Prickly about money

Our pastor just shared on his blog that he is turning over all of his external earnings to the church. He will not personally profit from the use of his giftings. Rather, the church will receive the blessing of such income. I must say that I was moved by his post. So moved that my stomach churned and my skin prickled. Usually when this sort of physical experience happens it's because the Holy Spirit is convicting me of something. It's usually something very direct and succint, like "marry him" or "pray about this" or "stop doing that" or "go there."

This time it seems like He is saying, "do this." No, I don't have a lucrative source of income outside of my 9-5 job that I can turn over to the church. But I am still accountable to God for what He has given us.

I have actually been thinking of our income recently, and whether how we (I) manage it really reflects our faith. I am the Keeper of the Budget, but Matt and I don't exactly have similar spending habits or theories. He doesn't see the importance of shoes, household decor, or a sale at Old Navy on all the stuff we "need" for the kids. I've chalked it up to the man/woman difference. Women just NEED some things, don't we? And, I work hard for my money. Don't I deserve a little treat? A little luxury? I've spent a lot of energy rationalizing expenditures. I mean, it's not like we crazy with our money. We're on a budget, the spending is contained, and even categorized into neat little envelopes. We don't have consumer debt. We're doing well by most people's standards.

But there's been this nagging feeling that it's still not right (greatly encouraged by my husband's gentle reminders of our plenty). It was, in fact, our discussion about giving to the church building project that planted the seed of this nagging thought. He wanted to give lots (really, LOTS) and I was aghast at the thought (my flesh screamed, "but...that's OUR money!"). In the end, the part of me that knows I should submit to my husband begrudgingly committed to consider his idea. So, the contrast of his generous heart and my selfish desires has been eating at me.

The problem, as God has kindly revealed to me, is that our finances are governed by MY budget, not God's. I put what I think we need in the budget without really consulting God, but rather expecting His blessing on my dutiful management of our funds. However, I don't think the cute new dresses from Old Navy are furthering the kingdom, and I'm ashamed of it.

I don't claim to know, in this moment, what this conviction will turn out to be exactly, but I certainly have a general idea, and food for prayer....

And I have to say that I'm thrilled to be a part of a church whose leadership is so counterculture. They're crazy really, but it's a good kind of insanity to belong to.